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Journal Entry: Sat Apr 13, 2013, 7:34 AM
I am stripped of my addictions;
Or not.

I quit coffee for three weeks, and then drink a pot a day for 3 days. Then it's 4 more weeks without it.

I lied down in the middle of the basketball court the other night. It was 2 am, and I hadn't had a ciggy in 9 days. (Drinking without smoking is a new experience for me, I feel strange just because I can manage it.) So I lied down on the concrete, and chain smoked 3 Marlboro Menthols. (I still don't know how I feel about menthol cigarettes; they never make me feel like I have smoked, yet they supress the urge.) I haven't had another ciggy since. I still carry around my zippo religiously though; and if anybody asks, I am a smoker. I just don't smoke much anymore.

2 days a week I make myself leave my backpack home. Money, cell phone, zippo and keys; down the stairs I go.  I try to make myself see that I am not naked without a book, notebook, daily planner, pens, wet wipes, tissues, painkillers, lip balm, toothbrush, toothpaste, cell phone charger, mp3 player, a pair of scissors, several hair clips and bands, house keys of my sisters and friends, lollipops, a toy car, dominoes, mint gum, an extra sweatshirt, fingerless gloves.... I listen to the sound of the city, I listen to the sound of people; I watch, I stare, I make more eye contact. I walk longer distances without my life on my back; I walk faster. I always get back home a few hours earlier than planned; but it's a start.  I will soon realize I can handle life without keeping all the necessary tools handy; I know how to make do and my spine deserves a rest after all these years.

I am stripped of my addictions;
Or not.
Some keep me alive;
Some cannot be detected by the naked eye.

Add a Comment:
petitecat Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013
Wow, I can't remember the last time, when I read such an interesting and wise journal. I feel really compatible to your words and feelings. And also - I'm very impressed.
yesilm Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2013
You made me blush, Marika; thank you.

(It is a treat when my true words resonate in other minds.)
alapip Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
no caffeine withdrawal headaches?

i'm breaking the caffeine habit gradually,
but shall keep the coffee habit, some
habits being healthful. i've saved some
thousands of $s not smoking since 1988,
tobacco being very heavily taxed in the
USA, plus i'm still alive, and smell better.

it's admirable, what you're doing, Jack.
most of us tend to carry way too much
freight, figurative and otherwise. we
become captive to our habits and things,
disconnected from others.

keep breathing deeper of life...

aerendial Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013
:iconcafeplz: hahha highfive!! i know how it is.
yesilm Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013
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April 13, 2013


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